When you see your neighbour or colleague or friend eat a buttered bread while you eat yours dry – DO NOT ENVY him or her.
Sikh Holy Scriptures Farid Jee page 1379
Jealousy is a feeling of resentment against another individual, this can manifest itself as having negative feelings against the success of somebody else, and a desire to steal somebody else’s Glory when others are praising them. If we happen to have family or friends who carry these traits then it is absolutely important to recognise who these people are so that one can realign your relationship to avoid recurring disappointment.
Where does our jealousy originate from? From our earliest memories from childhood, we have been conditioned to compare, to compete, to win, and to succeed and in this manner we have been subconsciously programmed to compare our lived with others who we socialise with. This can be from the house we own, to our looks, money, personality and a myriad of other areas of our existence. Eventually we become the net product of these comparisons. If we persist on comparing with others, then the outcome will be jealousy, so if we could stop comparing then jealousy would disappear. Sadly in the relationships that we are surrounded by and the ones we cherish, the truth is that if we are doing better than them then the people we are surrounded by our friends, our families become discretely jealous. Jealousy is an extreme negative force, it will destroy families and relationships, will destroy businesses and even destroy religious institutions. Jealousy is a very ugly trait. If we do not appreciate how dangerous jealousy as an emotion is then we will not be able to stand up and fight against it when it rears its ugly head.
There is an old story of a woman who dreams every night that she is being chased, throughout a big haunted house, by a hulking green eyed monster. Night after night, the hideous thing runs after her, its breath like acid on the back of her neck… It all seems so real… Finally one night, the dream begins again, but this time the beast corners the poor terrified woman, and just as it’s about to tear her apart, the woman finds her voice and shrieks: “What are you! Why are you chasing me! What will you do to me?” At that, the monster stops, straightens up, and with a puzzled expression, puts its hands on its hips and says, “How should I know? It’s your dream I am just performing your desires if you want me to stop then you must stop your jealous behaviours.
Unknown
We must be vigilant and not allow ourselves to be part of any feature of jealous behaviour whether at work, in our social or indeed religious institutions. We need to keep a distance from people who carry a greedy spirit within as this will stir up strife in others around them. To avoid succumbing to jealousy it is essential to trust in the Lord, to be thankful for all He has given and accept that this is in His wisdom. Then we will be enriched and blessed and so will our behaviour towards others reflect this personal enrichment and satisfaction.
Divine people will say that if we really trust the Lord and his timing then it is impossible to carry jealousy towards anyone, even though they may have acquired something that were desperately in need of. Divine people will not be jealous because they will trust God, that when or even if their time comes He will give what will bring us happiness without even asking.
God will meet our needs in his own way.
If we cannot be happy for the achievements of those around us then it is impossible to find happiness in our own achievements, even when we are blessed with so much from the Lord in the first instance. This negative trait could deprive is of so much that the Lord may wish to bless us with.
Jealousy becomes a primary reason for our suffering and unhappiness. Because of our jealousy we behave in a mean way to others, we forget our own values, we start pretending and become disingenuous in our dealings with those with whom we socialise. A person who is jealous suffers in living hell, if only we could learn to drop comparisons then our pretence would disappear, we would find our natural state.
Jealousy left unchecked and unchallenged can become seriously debilitating and in a relationship, the feeling of jealousy can lead to extreme negative behaviours and even violence. Like any other emotional issue we may suffer it is important that to overcome jealousy we have to be aware of our actions and reactions through awareness. In awareness we will see that the reasons of our jealousy in our mind are not true and in this clarity we will no longer react to any scenarios that our mind creates. And even if you feel you HAVE a justification to be jealous, in reality we need to understand there is no justification to behave in such a manner. We need to appreciate our persona triggers that starts our jealous thoughts. Emotions are like a skidding car on ice and we must have the ability to foresee the situation and try to stay clear of the hazards In other words address the trigger points and then you will not have to try to control your emotions, the damage will already have been done.
In the Bible jealousy is closely related to one of the seven deadly sins called envy. The Bible says that jealousy will spiral us towards the lower depth of our human values and will destroy our spirituality:
‘But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.’ James 3:14-15
The culture that we live in seems to work on the mantra of keeping up with the Joneses and to put yourself and your happiness first above anything else. Spiritualists will say that jealousy is a driving force far stronger than anger indeed it is recognized as one of the world’s oldest emotions, it was the driving force between Cain and Abel. Maybe a small amount of jealousy is good to create our desire to improve and excel, to preserve our relationships. However, extreme jealousy will always have negative consequences and will destroy relationships.
“Never be jealous. Jealousy is a waste of time.” “Strive to learn from those who are better than us.”
Unknown
Jealousy for many is a daily challenge and an uphill battle and many will stay in a state of denial. It is important to identify the root cause of our jealousy why do they feel the way we do and how can we resist the temptation of blaming others. We must not blame anybody else for our jealous behavior because in the main it is a reflection of our own insecurities and low self-esteem. We are unique and we must stop comparing our self to others we are all special to the Lord and he has a plan for all of us.
Jealousy will carry us into a deep abyss, people will stay clear of us and in this way we add more fuel to the feelings of insecurities. Jealousy along with all other negative emotions we carry will destroy the joy inside us. We need to open our hearts to the Lords beautiful creation. Although we love our parents, partners, families and friends, we also carry plenty of space in our hearts to love every one.
"Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.”
Unknown
“Beware of envy because indeed envy destroys good deeds in the same manner as fire destroys wood.”
Islamic Saying
This world is a moral gymnasium and sometimes we are put in testing situation where our values are challenged. The company we keep is vital in helping us to meet this challenge. The Sikh scriptures put great emphasis on the effect of the company we keep on our inner strength and ability to face these challenges in life.
Man is known by the company (or sangat) that he keeps. Man is the result of his environment
ਜੋ ਜੈਸੀ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਮਿਲੈ ਸੋ ਤੈਸੋ ਫਲੁ ਖਾਇ ॥
Jo jaisī sangaṯ milai so ṯaiso fal kẖāee.
According to the company one keeps, so are the fruits of that company they will eat.
Sikh Scriptures page 1369
There is so much a child asks from his parents but sensible parents will only give to the child the gift appropriate to the child’s ability and comprehension. In a similar way God will only give to us as much as we can handle and only when He feels we are ready to receive with responsibility.
Religion will tell us that many times we want more commodities in our life, such as expensive cars, beautiful houses, and financial security and yet we have no roots from which such fruits can be born. God has given his word that good things will happen in our life, but only when we acquire the wisdom to understand His wisdom. Our character, values and virtues do not develop when we get what we want, rather when we do not get what we want. Sometimes very difficult and challenging circumstances can lead to the greatest developments of our spirituality, inner strength and indeed our values and personality. If we feel we are not getting what we want in our lives, perhaps we need to be patient and wait a little longer, as our commitment to the Lord is being tested a little more.
To understand what you are is immensely difficult because it requires complete freedom from all desires from what you are into what you would like to be.
United Humanity