“In deep listening the branches of your intelligence will grow.”
Communication is an integral part of our existence. As far as we know all species communicate with each other. A key feature of communication is the ability to listen. The ability to listen is a powerful tool and indeed a very a beautiful gift we have been given, enabling us to participate in the environment that surrounds us. There are times we are deeply touched when we listen to an outstanding piece of poetry or a melody that stirs our soul and revives the emotion deep within, but to achieve this depth of feeling we need to listen actively, fully engaging our brain with an open heart, with passion. We use our ability to listen for a variety of reasons; for our pleasure, the need to learn, gain knowledge and develop, learn our roles and responsibilities by interacting with individuals around us. In every aspect of our life good listening skills are essential.
Talking for most of us is far more pleasing than it is to listen. It gives us a sense of power and direction over the conversation and for some listening is simply boring. However we should realise the art of good listening is enriching on many levels and will create self-awareness within us, equipping us with a lifelong joy and a good spiritual inward journey. The inner beauty is only realised by truly listening and enabling our development in a positive manner. Talking and listening are skills that are entwined exclusively.
To whatever we are listening, our brain is rapidly processing and understanding the information it receives. During this process we form judgements and opinions on a subconscious and conscious level, almost as if on automatic pilot. A good listener will not give credence to his/her own self-absorbed thoughts and views that may arise whilst engaged in conversation. Despite feeling the conversation may be boring, a good listener will always pay respect to the speaker by listening attentively and positively engaging.
Good parents start the process of listening to their child at a very early stage. A child has the ability to be engrossed with their toys and play whilst retaining the ability to listen to their parents. Rather than shouting at the child, good parents intuitively talk to the child. However, this magical ability to engage deeply in conversation when we are busy disappears as we grow older. As adults, once we are totally absorbed in an activity, it’s as if our ability to listen has been muted.
Is there a difference between listening and hearing?
We must realise that listening is when we are assimilating spoken words with our emotion, intellect, understanding and feeling incorporating the mood and content of the conversation. Whereas hearing is no more than an audible sound that we pick up and not necessarily acknowledge.
Why is good listening important?
The better our listening skills, the more productive we will become.
A good listener will find it easy to establish positive working relationships within their workplaces, amongst their clients, with colleagues, friends and their loved ones.
Remember that:
The ability to learn the art of listening truly can only develop when we have perfected the art of talking less.
We should listen to every word with our heart.
True awareness will only be achieved when are listening truly.
Value the person more than yourself if you want to accomplish the art of true listening and for the spiritualist they value welfare of their spirit over their body.
Good listening will develop a good relationship with our loved ones, our work companions, our relationship with ourself or indeed if you a spiritually inclined then our relationship with our spirit and soul.
Often we will start talking providing answers or opinions before the conversation has concluded. In this way we create agitation and hostility. People will often try to stay away from such people who simply talk and are unprepared to listen. No one wants to waste their energy in trying to communicate with this domineering, self-centred, highly opinionated person, unless it is absolutely necessary. Such people will deprive themselves of all the opportunities that could come their way. We should try to listen to the complete conversation and not just the last line of the conversation as this seem to create so much misunderstandings in our daily lifes.
In an attempt to share our burden we talk to a close friend who may be able to offer advice on how to exit the dark lonely destination we have arrived at. Our inner conscious refuses to take this advice and is argumentative in return. This in an example of not wanting to listen. Similarly, when we are in the presence of the enlightened we should feel the inner furnace of our ego cooling down and becoming calm by listening to their soft and pure words.
Why can we sometimes not listen to the positive advice given to us ?
This could be the result of our inability to listen correctly, Or simply the fact that we do not wish to change despite knowing that it will be far better for us to take the advice offered. Equally, it could be our ignorance due to the fine shroud of ego that simply refuses to acknowledge that we have improvements in ourselves to be made. It has to be accepted that darkness takes all but a few milliseconds to disappear with the flick of a light switch.
What constitutes good listening?
Good listening provides the ability to listen to our inner intuition and conscience in the true sense. The spiritual amongst us claim that they are able to listen to the vibration of their inner self, energy that is within. We need to mute the external ears and tune in to the ‘inner ears’ to experience this true state of living. The ability to learn the art of truly listening can only develop when we have perfected the art of talking less.
Power of listening provide us with the ability to listen to our inner intuition and conscience in the true sense.
For a good listener, it is important that one shows and pays undivided attention to the speaker and the conversation. Appreciate what the other person is saying, acknowledging maybe with a nod of the head. Responding by asking questions to clarify certain aspects of the conversation. Refraining from making any judgment during the conversation. It is important to face the person who is talking, engaging eye contact, whilst keeping an open mind.
Some say that listening to the voice of an individual who is liberated and is free from animosity will liberate the spirit of those with whom he connects with. For the student spiritualist listening to the voice of such souls will start a process of emotional healing and deep inner development.
We have to make a conscious choice to listen
As listening is not the same as hearing, good listening is not easy. In fact good listening is a very artful skill to achieve. A good listener will need to have a balanced and unbiased attitude towards the speaker and the conversation.
Of course we would prefer that our spouses will listen to us, not just the words but also the hidden contents of the unspoken words. If we can develop this type of listening skills then there will be a far better connection to each other in the marital relationship. The problem is that as humans we have lost the importance of effective listening and this will come at a great detriment to most in their relationships. Of course religious people who are devoted to their religious beliefs, will feel exactly the same with their relationship with their beliefs.
We should listen to every word with our heart. True awareness will only be achieved when one is listening truly and with focus. Good listening will promote good relations with all that we encounter and if you are spiritually inclined then it will enhance your relationship with your spirit and soul.
Types of listening
There are many ways in which we listen. Such as we listen actively, we listen casually, we listen attentively, we listen critically, we listen deeply, we listen selectively. These are but a few ways in which we listen. In the main we listen partially and selectively. The net result of this type of listening is heartache and pain. We interpret what we have heard according to our state of mind at the time and therefore it is relative. This may not be the truth of what was said, which can cause anguish and upset.
Some people will listen extremely attentively, engaging spontaneously which promotes a longer and more meaningful conversation, each individual participating taking something positive away with them. Individually, we know who these people are, they become our best friends, upon whom we can rely for a listening ear. This type of listener who is fully engaged in conversation will demonstrate their acknowledgement by nodding, giving an indication that they are taking on board the conversation, simply from the tone of their voice. This is known as active listening.
There are others who will simply listen for the enjoyment of appreciation for example, listening to music for pleasure, enjoying the melody and the lyrics of the music, connecting to their deep inner emotions from the present or past. A few people find that music can heal their inner self, albeit temporarily. Some will simply go out into the mountains to listen to the wind whistling in their ears or sit by the sea to hear the almighty waves crashing into the rocks. For others, the sheer pleasure is listening to the voice of their children. For a baby, listening to the soothing, reassuring voice of the mother, notwithstanding inability to understand the spoken words, calms the baby when all else fails. Despite being unable to understand the spoken words.
Certain individuals will only listen to what they wish to hear, overlooking everything else that has been said. In this manner they will be biased in their listening and hone in to all that is relevant to them. This is known as biased or selective listening. This type of listening is usually underpinned by selfish reasons. What is in this conversation for me? It is more about controlling the conversation, directing conversation down the avenue the listener wishes. You can evidence this type of listening by many politicians when they answer questions.
Competitive listeners will simply listen to find flaws in the argument of others. Whilst compassionate listening will allow someone to talk openly and freely, without interfering in the conversation and refrain from giving opinions.
A more enlightened soul listens attentively and deeply with focus, oblivious to the background noises. This type of listener will absorb all that is being spoken, whilst taking on board the implication of what is not being said. In this deep state of listening we recall examples relating to the conversation, actively comparing oneself against the spoken words in a conscious effort to evaluate themselves which reinforces the spoken words. This is known as deep or reflective listening. The listening becomes interactive with oneself and is embedded much deeper in our psyche than superficial listening. It has been said that the words of the enlightened have the capability of entering the human body with the intention to heal our damaged emotions, if we listen with undivided attention and respect. Some will listen in a reflective manner and in this way they are reflecting on the words that have been spoken to self-improve.
Devotional listening requires not only presence of mind, it also must provide hospitality, respect and a great element of warmth to the person they are listening and learning from. ( known as satkaar in some cultures )
We listen to show empathy, we listen to give comfort to those who are suffering. We will listen to evaluate what is being said and what is not being said, like a judge in a court room. We pretend to listen when we are distracted by something else and interact in a superficial fashion. When this happens the listener does not have much of a response and the conversation quickly dies out. In essence there are essentially three types of bad listeners;
a) the self-centred individuals
b) individuals without focus and finally
c) individuals who are completely driven by rules and regulations.
“Through the power of deep listening seek the inner beauty and wisdom of your existence.”
United Humanity